Read it. Learn it. Live it.

Sometimes I say words or phrases that require translation. Here are a few. Feel free to add your own in the comments section.

Cheese and rice: (adjective) A veiled attempt to disguise using the Lord’s name in vain. I actually stole this from a five-year-old. It’s awesome and it keeps me out of Hell.

Dancing bear: (adjective/noun): A term used to describe lack of grace, typically aimed at my daughter who broke her wrist tripping over her own feet. She has also gotten a comb stuck in her hair.

Dippity-dop: (noun) A moron. “Dippity-dop over there blinks and thinks it a new day.”

Halo: (noun) The one clear spot in the sky when the surrounding areas are dark and ominous. Can only be used when referring to the exact spot YOU are standing, e.g. “We’re at the concert venue waiting for Chuck Wicks to take the stage. Don’t let the weather fool you: we are in the HALO right now at the Fish House.”

Halio: (adjective) A feeble attempt to avoid saying the word “Hell.” For example, upon seeing my son riding his skateboard in the house I might say, “What the halio?” Or I might just say, “What the HELL?”

Sha-dang-diddl-ee: (adjective) An expletive. “I don’t give a sha-dang-diddl-ee what you wear.” Can be used in conjunction with additional adjectives and nouns for emphasis. “I don’t give a flying sha-dang-diddl-ee squat what you wear!” Notice the required use of an exclamation point in the second example. THAT’S the power of sha-dang-diddl-ee.

Thingiddy-bop: (noun) A thing. “Put your whatsy-whooz-it on the thingiddy-bop.”

Twitterverse: (noun) The world of Twitter. It is comprised of “Planet Twitter” and it’s orbiting moons Tweet, Twit, and Twat… wait, no, that’s not right…

Whatsy-whooz-it: (noun) An object. See “thingiddy-bop.”

Whoozy-whats-it: (noun) A person. This is typically reserved for someone whose name I have forgotten, typically my children’s friends but sometimes my children as well.